Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
