Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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