Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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