There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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