can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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