Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
