Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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