My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
