She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
