3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
