Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize