she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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