I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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