Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
