doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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