It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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