Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
