he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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