today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
