she smelled like a LAN party
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
