My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
