While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
