Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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