He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize