I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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