I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
