Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
