I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
