yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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