he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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