I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
a search helicopter?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
