Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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