I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
