She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
