There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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