So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
