He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
