Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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