im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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