I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
