If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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