I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
