This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
