1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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