just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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