Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
