I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
