Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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