i don't like sucking hair
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
