Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
