Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize