my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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