why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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