You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
