I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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