In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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