Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
