All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
