My hand turned me down
it's like iHOP with fire
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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