Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
