how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
