Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
