I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
