at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
