hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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