nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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