dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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