Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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