And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
